GRAYVILLE - Unidentified sources have confirmed that a local university teacher is among the group of international specialists summoned by Japanese Minister of Popular Culture, Hoshi "The Ninja" Wakamura, to help in the unexpected outbrake of panic due to the return of the action film hero Godzilla "The Beast" to Tokyo (see here for our latest report).
The agony of a first victim of Godzilla's rage has been captured by courageous new media journalists who dare to go where no one has gone before (to get the best shots).
The Yellow Press has long speculated about ongoing disputes over ownership rights between The Beast's Japanese agent and Hollywood representatives who recently convinced Godzilla to appear as a sidekick to the young, handsome American star in the latest WB war/environmental disaster movie.
Professor "Godzilla Whisperer" Bea, due to her long career in finding the most outrageous interpretations of American icons, habits and social patterns, was requested to join the team of cultural interpreters to negotiate a seize-fire of sharp, heated words exchanged between the parties.
Godzilla, frustrated by the disrespect of and his appropriation by American popular culture for what it claims to be "...pure money making, hate-mongering purposes," has seized control over growing parts of the largest Japanese metropolitan area, threatening to just "...stand up and end it all."
According to government officials, Wakamura hopes to convince Godzilla that the world is too small for mythical powers to be confined in one place, let alone one culture, even if a severe loss of identity will result from it. "Bringing in internationalist specialists," Wakamura was officially quoted, "will show how important cultural exchange is."
A later comment by "The Ninja" Wakamura that "... it will be better for the Japanese people if Godzilla feasts on foreigners," which was supposedly recorded by the NSA, could not be reliably confirmed.